I’m a pretty easygoing person for the most part, but there is one petty, dramatic hill that I will die on—I will never, ever, ever stop eating carbs.
Just like Kim K came swinging for Taylor after she slandered Kanye, I too have come here with my boxing gloves to defend my man: carbs.
You see, people left and right are talking sh*t about carbohydrates and I have had it.
First things first: I am NOT hating on you if are low-carb.
I know that cutting carbs is, for many people, a really effective way to lose weight. And I’ve heard about all of those peeps who swear that their skin is better since ditching refined carbs, or that they have more energy, or that they just feel healthier on their cauliflower rice lifestyle.
I’m all about people finding the food (and lives!) that works for their specific needs, whether that’s cutting carbs in favor of more veggies and meat, or embracing a vegan diet on the weekdays and going ham (literally) on the weekend. Your diet = your choice. But…
I freaking love carbs, and I will never choose to cut them from my diet.
Just call me Oprah, because I love bread. And pasta. And grain bowls. And pancakes. (Sadly, unlike Oprah, I am not a cultural icon or an inspiration to anyone. But I digress.)
In my humble, extremely important opinion, carby foods are the best foods. Think of all of the classic “comfort foods” for a sec. Mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, grilled cheese, spaghetti and meatballs, bagels, popcorn. Notice the thing they have in common?
And while I enjoy experimenting with cauliflower rice, butternut squash noodles, and almond flour in the kitchen, those can never permanently replace rice, pasta, and wheat flour in my diet. Because let’s be real: They just don’t taste as good. (Don’t even get me started on cauliflower pizza crust.)
The taste issue might seem superficial—waah waah, you want everything to taste as delicious as mac and cheese! Cue the chorus of the world’s tiniest violin!—but honestly, eating a substitute that’s lacking in the taste department just makes me crave the “real” version more…and then I go overboard the next time I eat it.
I’m not saying we should all just eat donuts and cake 24/7.
Because as delightful that would be, it’s not exactly the most #adult decision.
And look, I know that my pro-carbs stance is a privileged viewpoint. I don’t have a food allergy that would prevent me from eating gluten. I’m not actively trying to lose weight, nor have I dealt with any significant weight or health obstacles like diabetes in my life. And I fully recognize that I might feel differently about these foods if I didn’t have that privilege.
For this bread lover, what makes me happiest (and mostly healthy) is embracing those carbs with open arms.
Experts many times over agree that carbohydrates can be part of a healthy diet. It’s not exactly the most groundbreaking way to eat (and it doesn’t come with cool hashtags or anything), but it works for me. And what’s the point of living on this trash fire of a planet if I can’t freaking enjoy some mac and cheese every once in a while?
So even as the world chows down on lettuce wraps and cauliflower rice stir fry, I’ll just be over here in my corner, eating some leftover pasta. Feel free to come over and say hi sometime.
Jessie Van Amburg is the senior associate editor at Women’s Health, where she shares strong opinions about bad food trends and the importance of wearing sunscreen every day.
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